Good Intentions Don't Cancel Harmful Language

The Words We Use Matter More Than We Think.

Most of us don’t wake up in the morning trying to offend anyone. We’re doing our best, showing up for families, students, and communities with good intentions. But good intentions don’t always protect us from the impact of the words we use.

Many common phrases we say without thinking actually have histories tied to harm or misrepresentation. Take the word “gypped.” People often use it to mean they were cheated, not realizing the term is rooted in stereotypes about Romani people. Or consider the phrase “low man on the totem pole.” It’s usually meant to describe someone with the least power, but it’s based on a misunderstanding of Indigenous cultures. Totem poles aren’t about hierarchy at all—they hold cultural and spiritual meaning.

Even words that seem completely neutral can land differently depending on context. Language like “field” or “front line” can quietly reinforce ideas about who does the hands-on work and who holds authority. These words didn’t come out of nowhere—they reflect systems and histories that many families are still navigating today.

So why does this matter?

Because when we’re working with families—especially families from marginalized communities—language plays a huge role in trust. A phrase that feels casual to staff can feel dismissive, uncomfortable, or even hurtful to someone on the receiving end. And while one moment may seem small, those moments add up.

This isn’t about being perfect or policing every word we say. It’s about awareness. It’s about slowing down enough to ask, “Where did this word come from?” and “How might this land for someone whose experience is different from mine?” When families feel respected in how we communicate, they’re more likely to engage, collaborate, and feel safe showing up as their full selves.

The reality is, most of us were never taught to think about language this way. That doesn’t mean we can’t learn now. When teams take time to explore the history behind words, reflect together, and practice more inclusive language, it creates a noticeable shift in culture.

If you’re thinking about your own organization, school, or agency and wondering whether staff could benefit from going deeper into this work, that curiosity is a great place to start.

I offer consultations and trainings that help teams unpack the language they use, understand its impact, and build communication practices that truly support family engagement. If this is something you’d like to explore, I invite you to request a consultation and start the conversation. Sometimes meaningful change begins with simply choosing different words.